“I think I am feeling nervous for tomorrow Mom.”
The sonshine wrapped his arms around me.
I instantly knew this was not the usual early morning hug. I could sense the intensity of this statement along with the tenseness in his limbs and the galloping sound of his heart beating against his ribcage.
Confessing his anxiety for the Board Exam that was starting the next day was not easy for our guy who carried an unusually calm head on his 17-years’ shoulder. But the long drawn process of preparation- months of intensive coaching, assignments, multiple pre board exams, mock tests, project submissions, practicals, constant video feeds on Board & JEE preps, concerns and wishes from friends and family- had finally taken its toll on our guy’s peaceful state of mind.
Up until now he had managed to keep all the stressors of a Class XII student under his belt, in fact many times he would be placating his fellow mates (for I had often eavesdropped on him giving a calming tip to one rattled friend or another). Clearly this time, he had reached the end of his tether.
I just held him in my arms a while longer, gently goading him to share all his “what if’s” that I knew was gnawing at his peace.
And then I paused.
Praying silently to Krishna to give me the perspicacity to use the right words and tonality to assuage our child’s fears, I spoke to him in a low, gentle voice. I just wanted to put across three simple points-
Make my child see and believe he is charted to do very well in his life, both as a human being and as a professional- these exams are merely incidental to his journey up there.
To get him to merely focus on the present- put in his labour and forget the rest. At least for now, just postpone all thoughts about marks, admissions or college selections to a future bin.
The start of these exams actually means the end of his long drawn school life and beginning of a wonderful, exciting journey of college life. So there’s every reason to be excited and happy about this seeming monster called "exams."
I struggled to choose every word carefully, lest I sound like a typical gyan-spewing parent who only makes kids think in their heads: “there there, she goes off again,” before switching off.
Believe me, at that moment it was me taking the exam of my life.
And the result came out right then!
“How come you know how to address every single one of my disturbing thoughts? I am so glad you are there Mom,” he smiled.
“Gosh! I am feeling a lot relaxed now.”
It was my turn to smile as he hugged me one more time.
I wanted to freeze this moment in my memory album as the heart jumped with joy, triumph, excitement, satisfaction, gratitude and humility.
I was able to reach out and connect with his feelings of anxiousness without sounding preachy or condescending. It was a heady moment, akin to earning a million dollars in a jiffy!
Later during the day as my mind kept drifting back to the morning’s interaction, I thought to myself how many of us realise we are taking such kinds of exams as parents on a daily basis?
Whenever our children share or demonstrate their anxiety, fear, anger, resentment, goof ups, weaknesses, fall outs, love/infatuation- that’s our question paper.
How we react/respond to them is our answer sheet that we write.
And the result is the profound impact our reactions tend to have on our children's behaviour (both long term and short term) and personality.
Does this make any sense to you?
#DynamicParenting #ParenTeen #ConnectingBeforeCorrecting #ConsciousParenting #ParentingWIthPrakriti #PrakritiPrasad
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